I was going to do a happy light-hearted blog on the new Harry Potter which I saw at 12:01am this morning but instead I was shouted at to go and do my risk assessment forms for my dissertation, which apparently need to be completed and handed in before I start my research. I now feel compelled to write this list, although first I should perhaps briefly explain what I am doing for my dissertation:
Basically, I am observing racing greyhounds. On the morning before they race I spend 10minutes watching each one and record their behaviour. I also go into each one's kennel to see how they react to me. I repeat this process the morning after they race and compare the difference to see how, if at all, racing affects their behaviour. That's about it, hardly dangerous which means writing a risk assessment is a proverbial pain in the bottom. The fact that our university is less organised than a drunk snail is also massively unhelpful. So here we go ...
Reason 1
I can only do my observations on the nights my greyhounds race i.e. Tuesday, Friday and Saturday and that is not always guaranteed so I had to start my research early in June if I wanted to get enough done before September. Along with most other people, I was completely oblivious to the fact that any forms needed filling out beforehand let-alone that if you didn't you automatically fail the module because clearly that isn't something you need to know.
Reason 2
These risk assessments need to be signed by our dissertation advisor and handed into an office at uni for assessment and approval. Obviously it is too much effort for them to email us during term time so instead they are emailed to us on the 16th June, when our exams finished almost a month beforehand and everyone has gone home for Summer so would need to make a special trip back to Plymouth to hand them in.
Reason 3
I have to record any environmental hazard. The form asks "Are environmental hazards associated with the proposed activities?" and gives examples such as glaciers, crevasses, electric fences, tides, quicksand and mountains. I am not expecting to find any such things in someone's back yard. Nor am I likely to be susceptible to exposure (to what, a naked man?), sunburn or hypothermia as I am working indoors and it's Summer therefore I go to tick "No". Apparently this isn't an option: according to the form "this is always the case" and I must tick the Yes box therefore I am left with no choice but to be at risk of falling off an imaginary cliff or get exploded by imaginary mines. In the end the only thing I could think of was getting bitten by a dog.
Reason 4
My solution to the environmental issue was ruined upon noticing the next point - "Biological hazards are usually present (..., ..., aggressive animals, ..., ...) Oh. So I can't put dog bite as environmental. To be honest I don't need to put it at all - the dogs are not going to bite me. I've worked with all of them before and they're so docile and I've never even been growled at. The only dog related dangers are being knocked over by Rocky when he hugs me or having my leg humped by BB.
Reason 5
There are 20 forms worth of this shit.
Rant over.
Cock
xxx
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